I like the ambitiousness of this tune, and I like the direction you are going for with it. On the other hand, I think this song falls flat in a few ways; mainly in terms of the flatness of the arrangement and the lack of any percussion.
Another thing that I noticed about this song is the (over)abundance of lyrics, I have a sense of what the song is about, but I think the lyrics could be improved if they were less redundant and told more of a story.
All in all, I think this song has lots of potential, but it could be more engaging and concise.